Does it Take a “Catastrophe” to Break Out of Addiction? And, Should I Disclose to My Partner?

We recently received a VERY raw, vulnerable and transparent communication from one of our PBSE listeners who is struggling with porn addiction and has some very pointed questions. Here are some excerpts of what he sent us—

I have been battling with porn and sex addiction off and on for the better part of 25 years. In my younger years, I was able to break free of it . . . Now, a number of years later, I think I am in a full blown addiction that is spiraling out of control. When I look at people’s "quitting stories" out there, it always seems that there is some catalyst that forces the change (ie spouse finds out, loss of relationship, job complications, etc). I have none of those. I only have a desire to change and the feeling that I’m spiraling toward some catastrophic event like that in the future. Do you think that lasting change is possible without some catastrophic catalyst to anchor that change to?

Second question—To my knowledge, my wife does not know about my habits. She might suspect something is weird in our relationship and she definitely feels the disconnect in our relationship. I know I feel it. If she doesn’t already know, I see no reason to break that news to her. I see no reason to further distance her with that information when my goal is to ultimately bring her closer. Is it possible to break free of this without ever disclosing these things to her? I don’t necessarily want to fight this alone but I also don’t want to put her through the heartache of this when she has been through so much already. It would devastate her. I just want to fix this problem and move forward.

In this episode, Mark and Steve tackle these two questions head-on!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services